Deflated

Here we are, 11 PET scans later and still no light at the end of the tunnel.

Whenever we go for PET scans we are never expecting the cancer to magically be gone, and we don't expect a huge amount of progress, but we do want to see a little progress. We aren't asking to be at the end of the tunnel, we just want to be able to see the light. 

I'm starting to feel deflated. Not defeated, but deflated. I am still positive and I still know I'm going to get rid of this someday, but it seems to be taking forever to get there. Healing takes time, but were into our 3rd year almost, and I'm basically the same as when I started. I am thankful that it's the same and not worse though, don't get me wrong, but at the same time I've gotten nowhere. It's starting to feel like I've done all these treatments, and all of this suffering for nothing. 

I'm ready for this to be over. It's emotionally overbearing.

Even though it's been a long tough journey, I'm so thankful to my family and friends who help keep me strong, and pick me up when I'm down. It's you all who love and support me that keeps my strength and positivity up! I may get angry sometimes, and I feel sorry when I take my anger out on other people, but I feel like I deserve to be angry some days. I'm only human, and I can't help the way I feel. 

But I do love my family and friends, and just spending time with each other. It really helps me put my crazy life into perspective. I can't thank you enough for your loving comments and support. Thank you for picking me up when I'm feeling down.